The Name of the Lord is a strong tower.  The Righteous run into it, and they are saved.

                                                                                           clinging.to.the.promises.of.my.Jesus

The Fruit of the Spirit

So, I've developed a bit of a mantra lately.  It goes something like this:

loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, self-controlled, gentle, loving, joyful, peaceful,...

mostly, i say this at work.  or about work.

I say it when one of my residents starts cussing at me because i stopped him from doing something that could burn down our house and get me thrown in jail.  I say it when one of my residents spends two hours creaping down the hallway from her bedroom to the kitchen in order to remove anything containing sugar from the refrigerator, but claims she isn't hungry and runs back to her room everytime I'm (still) standing there when she peeks through the doorway.  I say it when (like tonight) in the middle of an enjoyable time of chatting with one of my residents she decides to be incontinent all over the dining room floor.  I say it when my staff pages me during church to ask what they should do about the fact that there is no zuchinni in the fridge and that is what the menu calls for-- not the 17 other types of frozen vegetables we do have in the freezer.  

I, of course, expect them to either create zuchinni from nothing or else just make the residents starve.

And you, of course, can see that the mantra doesn't really help.

This morning in Sunday School we talked about mercy.  We decided that although we usually only associate mercy with forgiveness, it manifests itself in numerous ways in our lives.   Mercy is when we don't get the bad things we deserve.  God doesn't give us the judgment we deserve because of the death of His Son.  Sometimes, he also doesn't give us the consequences we deserve, or the sadness we deserve, or the life we deserve.  He hasn't given me the life I deserve.  I have been blessed with a steady job, and a loving family, and friends who bring delight to my life.  I don't deserve to delight in my life, but there are times I do.

I delight when my dear friend Morgan calls to say she's about to "hit purchase" on a plane ticket to Cleveland, OH. 

I delight when a baby's hand curles around my finger, and he lifts one corner of his mouth in a quick, teasing smile.

I delight when I walk from the bitter cold of Northeastern Ohio on a January night into my warm apartment, dash into my snuggly Christmas pajamas, and burrow under my two cuddly blankets.

And yes, I delight, when my residents look at me with a trusting smile and say, "Can I keep you?" or "I know, you can just sleep on the couch, then you don't even have to go home."  I delight when we all begin singing a song from one of their cd's, and we dance around the kitchen while loading the dishwasher and SSH looks up at me and says, "You and Me.  Broadway.  That's what I'm talking about." and then we give each other a high five.  I delight when PB rubs my head, and when RD looks at me with amazement after I eset the breaker that he blew in his bedroom ("who knew a pretty little girl like Anna could fix that.")

I'm so thankful that God delights to delight me even when I'm not loving, joyful, peaceful, or patient.

I don’t do this every year, but I’ve done it several times before. Kind of a fun way to think through everything that’s happened in the last 12 months!

END OF YEAR INVENTORY
a. copy the survey question.
b. add your answer to the end.
c. post it on your blog!

1. is there any song you listened to back-to-back-to-back-to-back this year? What is the best line of it?

Probably “Hey There Delilah” was my most listened to song because of fun memories with my sister Cassie, but several others were up there too: Praise You in the Storm, Teardrops on my Guitar, Piano Man, etc

2. what was the single most beautiful physical, geographic place you found yourself in?

Can’t say I did a lot of new places Geographically this year, but a wedding in Huntington Beach, CA and a visit to Niagra on the Lake, Ontario had some pretty beautiful sights!

3. who is a delightful person you met this year?

Hmmm… most of the people I’ve met this year are at my church. They are all delightful, but my new friend Lynne is probably the one who brings the most delight to my life on a regular basis.

4. what was the biggest point of upheaval or change in your life since last December?

Moving to my own apartment and living completely alone for the first time ever.

5. What was a really, really good time in which you had a lot of fun with people?

That same wedding in Huntington beach was probably the best time. I’m especially thinking of the day we spent at the park, reading T.S. Eliot aloud, and doing each others nails.

6. Who do you think you talked with the most over the last year? Probably Marilyn, one of the ladies I work with.

7. What is your favorite material belonging you acquired over the past year?
My new car! J
8. did you fall in love this year? Say something about it? If not, what sorts of crushes or relationships or hobbies did you prefer?

This question always makes me laugh. How sad is it to have to include hobbies in this question, as if that were really the same type of thing! J

9. What food item / beverage / illicit drug was your most characteristic this year?

Tall, Skinny Latte with a shot of caramel syrup.

10. What was your best blooper reel moment?
I never do anything remotely resembling a blooper real.

11. Describe a conversation you had this year that you will never forget.

I can’t think of one.

12. What was the funniest ‘inside joke’ of the year?
H.P. or H.W.P., depending on who you ask.

13. What was your most expensive purchase of the year?
Definitely my new car

14. What was your favorite live performance (a play, a band, an orchestra, the ice capades) that you attended this year?
Oh man. Billy Joel. A. Mazing.

15. What song will always remind you of this year?
Praise you in this Storm

16. What is a ‘big lesson’ you learned this year?
“If the resurrection is not true, we are to be pitied above all men.”

17. What was the phone number you called most frequently this year?
Mo? Work?

18. Describe one instant this year in which you were giddily, grinningly happy.
playing American idol with Alli.

19. What place, thing, person, creative outlet, etc. did you turn to when you needed cheering?
painting on my wall, my lake, my friends who listen to my silly ramblings like Amy, Anna, Beth and Morgan.

20. What did you do this year you’d like to do more of in the future?

Riding my bike. J

Well, here I am.  I'm attempting to update this xanga.  It won't be an easy task.  I've tried several other times in the past few months, and I don't get very far.  Back when I was studying in Oxford, or when I had an internship in Budapest my life seemed a lot more interesting.  But, now I'm a grown up with bills to pay, and I don't really think that people are interested in hearing about my attempts to pay off college loans, get and keep a car that runs, and buy groceries.  Most people I know do this already, or don't want to think about the day they will have to.  And really, it isn't what I want to think about when my day is over and I'm decompressing with my laptop and a cup of hot tea.  On days when I get home and think, something about this life just isn't right; am I wasting my life? I don't want to let all my friends in on the fact that the Anna who had great adventures is now the anna who lives a small life.

Billy Collins is one of those authors who, as all great authors should, puts words and pictures to the desires of my heart that I find so inexpressible.  In his poem Consolation he writes about how aggreable it is to

"command the simple precinct of home
than be dwarfed by pillar, arch, and basilica.
Why hide my head in phrase books and wrinkled maps?"

and I think what he means is that it is really not aggreable, and he would much rather be in Europe, but certainly he should find something lovely about being in this place.  Hence the title of the poem.  And in On Turning Ten he says,

You tell me it is too early to be looking back,
but that is because you have forgotten
the perfect simplicity of being one
and the beautiful complexity introduced by two.
But I can lie on my bed and remember every digit.
At four I was an Arabian wizard.
I could make myself invisible
by drinking a glass of milk a certain way.
At seven I was a soldier, at nine a prince.

and I think he means that growing up is not such a fun thing to do.  No matter what the grown ups tell you. 

But, I will stop whining and perhaps get to my point.  Because, perhaps, I have one.

I think it is good for me to dream big dreams.  I think it brings glory to God when we act and live in his largeness.  But I think sometimes he also calls us to obscurity.  To living a quiet life in a quiet way, and still finding Him wholly satisfying.  He has very clearly led me to where I am, little North Ridgeville, OH.  To the job I have, caring for four adults with disabilities who are rather like my children, and the six staff who look to me for direction, and are also sometimes like my children.  Is it not possible that just as God has called my parents and my sisters to leave their family and the familiarity of life in America to serve Him overseas, He has called me to let them go and serve Him?  I'm not sure if my refusal to accept their absence would make them return, but it would certainly make it more difficult for them to do what God has called them to do. 

Right now I'm working on two things.  I'm working on preparing.  As easy as it is to come home after working eight or ten or twelve hours and go to bed or watch a movie or get online, I'm trying to use my time more wisely.  Listening to sermons while I drive (and, by the way, if you are looking to be challenged and grow in your depth of knowledge I recommend John Piper, Mark Driscoll, and Ronnie Stevens, all of whom can be found on podcast.), taking classes at community college, reading books on theology and philosophy and psychology, getting involved in ministries at my church, improving my cooking and housekeeping skills, and learning how to be an employee, and employer characterized by excellence.  Obviously, I'm not quite positive of what I'm preparing for, but I'm taking all the opportunities I can.

Secondly, I'm working on being potent where I am.  Little North Ridgeville, OH is where God has me right now, and I don't think He just put me here because it isn't time for me to do the bigger things He has planned for me yet.  On my friend Lindsay Wirt's facebook there is an unattributed quote that has gone up on my bedroom wall.  It reads, "Be intentional about every relationship you form, invest in the person in front of or around you because they are there for a reason."  I think this is important for me right now.  The people in my church, at my job, in my apartment building, in my class at LCCC, are beautiful creations and deeply loved people of my Lord.  And God has given me the opportunity to know them.  How can I not show them love, and speak truth into their lives?

Quite the long update, eh?  That's what happens sometimes late at night.  Pray for me, that I would focus on my two responsibilities, that I would be self-forgetful in my relationships, that I would pursue God's glory with my whole heart, even in the mundane, obscure, and small parts of my life.

How can I pray for you?